im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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