so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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