You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
