Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
