Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
