Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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