is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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