dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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