Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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