Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
