Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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