1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
