Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
