Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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