Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
whose parrot is this?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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