if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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