Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
