the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
