Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
