i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
