I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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