We need to rekindle our bromance
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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