That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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