Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
