I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
