I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
