You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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