i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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