I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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