Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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