Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
