I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
