you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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