dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
