I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
