So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
