Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
