community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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