im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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