It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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