i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
