I hate your face
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
