Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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