I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
