I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
