I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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