I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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