Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
