So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
