its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
