I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
