I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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