i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
