Kareoke will never be a sober sport
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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