look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
