i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
