Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
