The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
