I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
