this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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