The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
