Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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