I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
