Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
