He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
