She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
