sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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