my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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