She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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