How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
