Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
