P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
