I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
